Wow, how’s that for a title?!
When JJ and I started talking about the likelihood of moving, we were immediately faced with a uniquely 21st century dilemma: What to do with our Facebook friends.
On the surface, the answer seems simple: nothing.
The problem is, something seems “wrong” with doing “nothing.”
Here’s what I mean: When I look at my Facebook friends, I notice that they fit into several different categories:
With the possible exception of the first category, each of them contains individuals who’ve “friended” me for various (potentially now-defunct) reasons. There are those who…
Obviously, I want to remain connected with the people in the first category. I may also need to remain connected with the people in the second category (I want to in many cases as well!) The question is, what is the best way of dealing with people in the third category?
You see, there is this strange reciprocity on Facebook. It seems rude to “unfriend” someone after previously “friending” them unless there’s been some kind of obvious break up. On the other hand, it seems equally as rude to put someone in the awkward position of having to “unfriend” me if we’ve been “friended” out of obligation but may not need to (or want to) stay in contact when I move 9 hours away. (This may be particularly true with people who’ve “friended” me because I was their teacher or minister).
(NOTE to Facebook: This is why I think you should set friends to time out in a year if they haven’t interacted at all. In other words, set the software to automatically unfriend people who haven’t written, chatted, or even “liked” each other’s status in 12 months. They can always refriend each other. Or better yet, give them a 1 month warning so that they know they need to get back in touch with one another before the auto-un-friending descends upon them!)
Until Facebook decides to instigate an auto-un-friending policy, we’re left with mitigating these waters on our own. Months of thinking about it have brought me to the conclusion that the best way of handling it is to do a massive-friend-purge when we move.
It isn’t that I don’t like most of the people involved (I do). It isn’t that I don’t want to be friends with them (I do). It’s that I want to give those who’ve “friended” me out of convenience or obligation a gracious way to respond to the fact that they we probably will not stay in contact when I move.
I’m sure it isn’t the perfect way of handling it. I don’t even know if it’s a good way of handling it. I do know that it’s the best option I’ve been able to come up with.
So, if we’re friends now, and you notice in the next few weeks that something happened and you’ve stopped getting my witty and thought-provoking status updates on your News Feed, it isn’t that I don’t like you.
Seriously, if you refriend me, I will eagerly reciprocate the refriendification. If we were somehow connected out of obligation or convenience (and the reasons no longer hold true), you will now have a wonderfully gracious way of opting out.
Don’t worry, the massive-friend-purge will not happen for a few weeks, so the defrendifying, refriending and refrendification will be entirely unnecessary for a while.
I write this now, because I wonder what you think.
How is a situation like this best handled? Leave a comment on my blog… drop me a message on FB… or an e-mail… give me a call… or write on my wall (if it’s appropriate for public consumption). Let me know what you think and what your experiences have been….
Grace and Peace,
`tim
Now that’s something to think about!